Grief: How Problem Gambling Can Be a Hidden Response

None of us go through life without experiencing loss, and the grief that comes with it. While some people are naturally equipped with stronger coping mechanisms, others may face more frequent or intense losses. Each new loss can stir up the pain of previous ones, bringing old wounds back to the surface. Grieving is a natural process and a natural part of life. It is healthy to grieve any losses we have, but only the individual can know when, how, and for how long he or she should grieve something. What does that have to do with gambling?

Let’s explore the stages of grief, the distinction between grief and depression, and how both relate to problem gambling. Gambling can become a coping mechanism for managing a wide range of emotions—including unresolved grief. This grief may stem from various life experiences, often going unrecognized but deeply influencing behavior.

Here are a few causes of grief:

• Death of loved one
• Loss of job
• Neglect or abuse
• Retirement
• Loss of youth
• Divorce
• Empty nest (children leaving home)
• Death of a pet

Any loss is a significant change for us, and if dealt with in the right way at the right time, it can actually have a positive effect on our lives. It may teach us something about ourselves, life, nature, or something about what or who we lost. Loss, and the grief associated with it, can create an opportunity to grow. Problem gambling can grow instead when someone doesn’t deal with the losses near the time they happen. Some of these losses occurred in childhood and still need to be grieved as an adult. The person may have stuffed the emotions down deep, and that could be where gambling comes in as a coping skill. Quite often people “numb out” while gambling, escaping the feeling of emotional or physical pain.

It is important to understand the difference between mourning and depression because if unaccounted for, it may linger much longer than needed.

Mourning is the process of coping with loss in a healthy and constructive way. It has a beginning and an end. While the feelings of loss may remain, they no longer overwhelm or negatively impact your daily life. By the end of mourning, you may experience a sense of release, clarity, and inner peace.

Depression can feel like mourning and can follow mourning as you grieve the loss but if it continues more than two weeks, it might be time to reach out for help from your doctor, a family member, friend, or a grief group to process your feelings openly. You can call or text the 888-ADMIT-IT HelpLine 24/7 and connect with a Specialist who can guide you through available resources for your situation. The difference between mourning and depression is that in depression, you get stuck in the sad feeling and other symptoms – and they start affecting your life. Depression (if left unchecked) can last years or a lifetime, but it can be treated successfully.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who worked with dying patients and wrote a book on the grieving process, found these stages to be true for most if not all:

• Denial and isolation
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

This process is not cut and dried, meaning one may go through these stages, step backwards, and go through them once again. It is a constant motion until the person reaches the point of true acceptance. What has helped many in this process is to write a good-bye letter to whatever it is you are trying to leave behind. It could be “goodbye to gambling” letter, a “sharing your anger” letter, or a “what I wish I had said” letter. It can be anything you want to say and when you are done, you can share it with someone who understands or simply tear it up!

Wherever you or a loved one may be in the grieving process, the 888-ADMIT-IT HelpLine is a great resource when problem gambling is involved. The HelpLine is 24/7, Confidential, Multilingual, and provides free access to a breadth of resources specifically developed to address the impacts of gambling addiction.