Tangled in the Web: How Family Roles Shape Gambling Addiction and the Path to Recovery

Gambling addiction is a family disease, because it influences the lives of everyone around the problem gambler. Family members will unknowingly adapt to the problem gambler by taking on certain roles that can challenge or enable them.

Imagine a beautiful and symmetrical spider web. Each strand represents a different member of a family, all interconnected. When a single part of the web is disturbed by a falling branch, the whole web vibrates. Tension spreads, pulling at every connection. The web may begin to sag, fray, or even tear if the strain is great enough!

Problem gambling impacts are often felt at home before the cause is discovered. Financial strain and relationship problems are common early signs. The family moves around each other like dancers avoiding missteps – sidestepping conflict and using humor as a balm, all in an unspoken effort to ease the tension that fills the home. At this point, the family is changing to make the atmosphere more comfortable while delaying the discovery of the gambling problem – without even knowing!

There are even times when a family member likes the way the family dynamics have changed, as a result of the gambling problem. When this happens, there may be conscious or unconscious sabotaging of the recovery process. Imagine the spouse of the problem gambler thinking, “If they get to gamble freely, then I deserve my own indulgence – maybe a shopping spree here and there. Besides, at least when he’s at the casino, it’s quiet at home. Peaceful. We don’t have to deal with their mood swings or tension, so maybe it’s better not to stir the pot.”

There are some typical roles we will walk you through, so you can better understand this concept and maybe see more clearly if you are falling into these categories.

Family Roles and Their Impacts

1. The Enabler (or Caretaker)

• Role: Protects the addicted person from consequences, often by covering up financial issues, making excuses, or giving money.
• Impact on Addiction: Enables the gambling to continue by reducing accountability.
• Impact on Recovery: May struggle to set boundaries, which can delay change unless they get support themselves. Did you know that the 888-ADMIT-IT HelpLine has resources designed for loved ones of the gambler?

2. The Scapegoat

• Role: Draws attention away from the addicted person by acting out or getting into trouble.
• Impact on Addiction: Distracts the family from the gambler’s behavior, sometimes reinforcing denial.
• Impact on Recovery: May carry unresolved anger or trauma and need their own healing process as a result.

3. The Hero

• Role: Overachiever who tries to bring order and success to the family to compensate for the chaos.
• Impact on Addiction: May suppress their own needs and add pressure to maintain the illusion of normalcy.
• Impact on Recovery: Can become a key support system, if they learn to balance care for the addicted individual with self-care.

4. The Lost Child

• Role: Withdraws emotionally, avoids conflict, becomes invisible in the family dynamic.
• Impact on Addiction: Often neglected and emotionally unsupported, may develop their own mental health struggles.
• Impact on Recovery: Needs encouragement to re-engage and find their voice.

5. The Mascot

• Role: Uses humor to defuse tension and keep spirits up.
• Impact on Addiction: Can mask pain or distract from real issues.
• Impact on Recovery: Needs space to express genuine feelings, not just jokes.

Recovery is Possible for the Gambler and the Family: 888-ADMIT-IT

Disordered gambling is recognized as a mental health condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). This manual is used by physicians and mental health professionals to diagnose psychological conditions, guide referrals, and develop appropriate treatment plans that support recovery. When one member of the family is suffering from the disorder and they finally admit that there is a problem, it will take the whole family as a team to fight against the disease together.

Once a recovery plan is intact, everyone in the family will have to play their part to keep the problem gambler on track and in recovery. In recovery, healthy boundaries are necessary along with family involvement and rebalancing the family roles. Covering up the problem with shame and silence has to come to an end. Simply stated, the first step to recovery from a gambling problem is admitting there is one. If any of the above sounds familiar, or if you’re suspicious that problem gambling may be a factor in what you’re experiencing, call or text the 24/7, Confidential, and Multilingual 888-ADMIT-IT HelpLine today.